When The Time Comes
by TessaSpencer
Summary: CJLeo what happens after Leo's heart attack set in season six, following the birnham woods


1

He wasn't sure if it was a nightmare or a premonition, but when Leo awoke for the first time after his surgery, he was terrified for the state of his government.

There they were, amidst peace talks with two countries that were as always doing a dance around war with each other, asking everyone to enjoy a political recess. President Bartlet had invited the bullies to the table, against Leo's better judgment.

And then Leo and the President were fighting, much to Leo's chagrin, and the end result was that they disagreed on everything. It was like they had finally realized that even though Leo might have been the smarter of the two, Jed held all the cards and wanted to make sure his friend understood that too.

As if it weren't bad enough that they had gotten to the point of fighting, Leo resigned… or was fired…it was all a bone of contention one way or another.

'Then I up and had a heart attack,' Leo thought. 'Talk about bad timing.' Of course the ever present pain in his chest and the chill he was feeling from his nose down was all courtesy of that little inconvenience.

He wished that he could honestly say that his 'sleep' had been filled with sweet dreams of angels, but no, it had not been in the least. It seemed he was the consummate professional who would think of work, even in such a time of personal crisis.

Flashes of the past years in office haunted him; the gaffes and the jubilation, the sweet wins and the very bitter losses.

Everything since they had taken office was prioritized above being the people they thought they should be. There was an image to uphold and there was a protocol to every potentiality.

Somewhere along the line, it all caught up to him, and Leo was left realizing that not only was he not forty anymore, but he was not fifty either. He was crawling up on sixty and just now he was coming to terms with what his life was going to be like. He'd have to slow down, take better care, and he'd sure as hell have to reduce his work load when he finally did go back to work—whenever that might be. The all-powerful Leo McGarry was not as infallible as everyone had assumed.

In his mind's eye, he could imagine his way through a typical day in the White House and just leave out all of the stressful 'bits' – essentially everything after morning staff when things routinely went to hell – and silently he was thankful to have woken up with all of his bits and pieces still in tact, even if he was in pain and would have a long rehabilitation.

He knew that he was lucky to have been found in the woods, and he was luckier yet that he was found alive and then treated by a team of medical experts. Luck had been on his side last time, but Leo knew as well as the next guy that it wouldn't always be that way. Luck had a way of being fickle and doing what it wanted to do, and now it was up to Leo to take responsibility and do something for himself.

As he lay there in quiet contemplation, he wondered what it was that made him think he wasn't alone. He listened carefully, but the dull droning of the machines masked whatever noise he should be hearing. There was no talking, no noise at all really.

"Hey," CJ said, watching Leo's eyes flutter open. She had been there almost every moment she wasn't needed at the White House and had no intentions of leaving any time soon.

"CJ?" Leo's mouth was dry and for a fleeting moment he felt hung over.

"I'm here," she assured him, leaning closer and threading her fingers with the hand that was free of needles and monitors.

"Congratulations,' he struggled. CJ would never have turned down the position. She might have fought it and tried to convince the President that she wasn't the best person for the job, but she wouldn't have succeeded.

She smiled down on him. The President had told her that Leo had specifically requested her to fill his place. CJ was the only 'name' on the list and the best candidate. "Well, I have you to thank," she replied, so full of love for the man in front of her that it scared her. It wasn't exactly a new emotion, but it was one which intensified ten fold when she heard about Leo and continually burned hotter.

Leo shook his head, though the effort it required was so great that he felt thoroughly spent.

CJ could see how difficult it was for him and wanted to cry. Only a few weeks earlier they were dancing at a democratic fundraiser, and now he was stuck in a hospital bed, his life dangling by a very brittle looking thread.

"Just get your rest while you can," CJ said sweetly, "because Josh and Toby both plan to swing by later. You know what they're like. They'll want to drag you out to play basketball or something."

Her comment drew a weak smile from her friend. "They brought you in from Bethesda. You're back here in Washington and I'll see you soon," she promised, suddenly feeling like the walls were moving in on her.

Leo knew she'd be back. It wasn't an empty attempt at kindness because CJ was incapable of empty gestures. If she had said it, she meant it.

Giving one final squeeze of his hand, CJ forced a smile before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Sweet dreams, Leo."

Gathering her coat and her briefcase, she gave him one last look before she made it to the door.

The second she was out of his line of sight, CJ felt herself breaking down, tears threatening and her heart constricting.

Leaning against the wall, CJ tried to appear fine, though it wasn't working. Tears had begun a freefall and her body shook with fear and frustration.

How did they not see this coming? How did they not realize he was killing himself? They were his best friends, and not one of them thought that he might be doing too much?

As she mentally listed all the reasons she should feel horrible, CJ wondered if things could ever be normal again. They'd never be the same, she knew, but there had to be some sense of the life they had before, when they were all barely breathing but not dead.

Hands found hers, and she jumped in surprise, not sure as to who was touching her, but then she saw the sad looking younger woman and instead of speaking just wrapped her arms around her. "We're all scared, Mallory," CJ said, though she was fairly certain that was the least comforting thing she could say. All the same, the girl needed to know that there were many people who loved her father and she'd never be alone.

"I know," Mallory admitted. "He just looks so fragile."

CJ's eyes shifted away, not sure how she could reply. She had no clue what to say, so instead she opted for a change of topic. "Do you want to go for coffee?"

Even if it seemed like such a simple request, it was anything but. At least, to Mallory it was more. While the senior staff had each other to turn to, Mallory was as good as alone. The President was consumed by his own grief and frustration while the First Lady was trying to hold her husband together.

Mallory nodded, and CJ linked arms with the younger woman, leading her down the hallway towards the elevator. "When was the last time you ate?"

Mallory shrugged.

"No Starbucks for you until you eat something vaguely nutritional," CJ said, feeling suddenly very protective of her friend's daughter. Leo would want her to be there for her, even if it was only to get her to eat something.

As much as Mallory would have wanted to fight back, she had lived the last twenty-four hours on the incredibly unhealthy chill latte diet. "Do you honestly think I'll let you pretend the stuff in this commissary is food?"

"It's better than the caramel cream things you've been drinking which even generously, scarcely constitute food."

A smile formed on Mallory's lips and she wasn't sure if it was because for one fleeting moment things were normal, or if more remarkably, CJ had been watching her for the past little while.

"Was Dad awake?"

CJ nodded. "Pretty tired still, but awake."

"I can't believe how long the last day and a half has been."

"It's gonna get better," CJ said, hoping that she sounded convincing.

2

"Morning Margaret," CJ said, balancing her coffee cup in one hand, the newspaper in the other and her briefcase under her arm.

"You know I get the newspapers for you, right?" The tall red head stood at the edge of the desk, watching her new boss try to get everything on the surface without it resulting in a large crashing noise.

"You do?" Ok, so CJ didn't know that, and today seemed like one of those days where there would be innumerable things she didn't know. This would just be one more step towards the downward spiral she expected the day to be.

"Yeah. And I can bring you coffee."

CJ nodded. "Carol did it sometimes, but usually only when it was really bad around here."

Margaret shrugged. "I did it for Leo, I can do it for you," she explained, though she wasn't sure that was the best explanation.

"Thanks." CJ half expected that to be the end of the conversation. "Anything else that needs to be done before the boys get here for staff and I realize I've not even had time to check in with the messages?"

"No, everything is taken care of. The messages are stacked according to urgency on your desk and everything can wait until after staff."

"Great. Have I told you lately that I really appreciate you helping me as much as you have been?" She looked up to see the younger woman rocking on her heels and for a split moment she wondered when Margaret had started so much time with Toby.

"Not today, no." The assistant smiled, oddly comforted that CJ had let her keep her job in the office and not done a shift when she traded positions.

"Well, I do. I'd be drowning by now if it weren't for you."

Margaret turned to leave, trying to avoid an awkward emotional moment. She wasn't good with having a lot of frank conversation or open appreciation. It wasn't Leo's style, and she never faulted him for being professional, but now that she was working for CJ, Margaret did appreciate her way of being honest and openly appreciative. "Before I go," Margaret said, hoping that it wouldn't seem inappropriate to ask, "Mallory called this morning to talk to you. She said you'd seen Leo last night, and had mentioned you would be stopping by this morning to see him. She just wanted to know how he was," she explained.

"Okay," CJ said, mentally making a note to call Mallory and leave a message for her at the office of her school as soon as the staff meeting was over.

"How was he," Margaret asked, her heart breaking. She had worked for Leo for most of her adult life, and the jobs she had held before had never held a candle to the challenge or excitement of what she had done with Leo.

"He was asleep," CJ replied, saddened that when she stopped in he hadn't woken up. As much as she was happy that he was resting, CJ also felt somewhat cheated. She was there and wanted to see him—she needed him to be awake and aware so he could comfort her—and in the three days since he had been hospitalized, she had made a habit of going twice a day to see him. This was just the first morning that he hadn't been awake.

"Oh."

"He looked like he was resting well," CJ added, realizing that the younger woman had a pretty significant attachment to Leo as well, and probably wasn't afforded as many opportunities to go see him.

"Thank you," Margaret whispered, wondering if it was ever going to get any easier knowing that the man she'd as much as considered a best friend through the years was in a hospital bed in pain.

This time it was CJ's turn to feel a sense of nervousness as she spoke. "I was hoping we could keep a block of time early this evening available so I could go to the hospital. You can schedule things on either side, but can we just keep an hour or an hour and a half free?"

"Of course."

"Great." CJ looked down on her desk, covered in things. "How did he keep it so clean?"

"I restricted his access to general files," Margaret said hesitantly. "He had a tendency to stack folder upon folder upon folder on his desk, and never re-file it."

"Ah."

"I'll clean up while you're in staff," the assistant offered. "And when you get back we can go over the appointment schedule and how you're day is shaping up."

CJ could have fallen to her knees in thanks. Margaret was a god-send, and were it not for her, CJ wasn't sure she would make it through the day. "Just don't forget to clear that time…"

"Consider it done," Margaret assured her.

"Thanks again." Retrieving her notebook and pen from the table top, CJ also grabbed her coffee and headed towards the Oval Office. The sooner the day started, the sooner she'd be able to sneak out and check on Leo.

CJ finally managed to get out at 7:30, though she had to promise herself that she'd either go back after she visited Leo or she would go in early. Since she had taken to getting to the office for 6:15, she imagined she'd just go back to work when she was finished at the hospital for fear of getting up earlier and earlier every day until eventually she'd just stop going to bed. "Evening, Leo," CJ said, closing the hospital room door behind her as she set her things down on the floor at the foot of his bed.

"Hey CJ," Leo managed. His throat was still hoarse but he was doing better. He'd yet to try to stand, but he could speak and he could feed himself when the dinner tray came, and that in itself was no small feat considering they were preparing him for the worst.

"You look better," she said, sliding into the chair.

"I try," he joked lamely. "I was thinking that I should have someone smuggle in new sheets – hospital blue isn't exactly my color and I thought something more in a navy might be…more complimentary."

CJ couldn't help but smile. He still had it – the trademark Leo McGarry wit and grin, even if he was slower to deliver the punch-line. "I might be able to work something out, but we'll have to see. As it is, Margaret has me scheduled to within an inch of my life."

"Just wait until you schedule your own appointment. You'll face the wrath of Margaret, and nothing will be able to save you."

"Great, that's something more to look forward to," CJ said, though in truth she did dread the day that Margaret realized how viciously under qualified CJ was for the position.

"Let's put it this way – you might wish you were in this hospital bed."

CJ didn't have the heart to tell her friend that she already wished it was her instead of him. He had been through enough, and even if it wasn't a matter of one or the other, she wished that she could be in the bed with him, his arms around her. He'd make her feel safe, she knew it, and it was all she could ask for.

But the feelings CJ had for Leo would seem random, to the world at large at least. The people in their lives weren't in her head, and didn't know that when CJ wasn't busy jotting notes during senior staffs, she was thinking about Leo. It had always been that way, and this time, though it had changed, it was only that her previous unchecked emotions were now replaced by tenderness and affection. "Wish me luck, then, because I might well need it…"

Leo just shook his head. CJ was the right woman for the job. CJ was the right _person_ for the job, and he never doubted that.

"I hear that people wanted a monarchy instituted," Leo laughed, hoping to lighten the mood.

"Yeah, and those were the guys on our team. You can only imagine what we were going through with the Republicans."

"And then there was a fight to ban marriage."

"Uh," CJ didn't know what to say. She wanted to avoid the talk of work, for fear of unnecessarily elevating his blood pressure.

"Because I could have used that decades ago when I married Jenny. Would have saved me some hassles, and a fortune in lawyer's bills," Leo joked.

CJ cracked a smile. At least he walked through with his tragedy with a little bit of humor. "Marriage wasn't all bad, right? You got Mallory from the deal."

"Yeah. Mallory's great."

"She is," CJ replied genuinely. The crisis had definitely brought them together and CJ enjoyed knowing that she not only had a friend in Leo, but also in his daughter. The McGarry bloodline lead to some very exceptional people, and CJ had the honor of knowing two of them.

After several minutes of silence, CJ sighed before feeling ready to speak. "Why'd you choose me to take over for you?"

"Bad day in the office?" Leo wondered if she was starting to feel the pressure of being the first female Chief of Staff. She was only a couple days into the job, and he knew it wasn't an easy job to assume at the best of times, and under the circumstances, things were even more difficult.

"No, but I deserve to know why. People keep asking questions, and I can't even say that I really understand why it's me."

"You know how to shake things up," he said casually. At her disapproving stare, he became serious. There was no reason to lie to her. "Of all the people on staff, he respects you the most, and he knows that everything you do is a combination of brilliance and heart."

Moved by his words, CJ wondered if she'd be letting him down in the months to come. "And I have no military training."

"But great instincts and you're smart as hell. Ain't anyone who can spin like you…"

"Which is why I belong in the pressroom, spinning our message."

"No," Leo corrected, a stubborn determination in his voice. "You should be the one keeping them on track, and sculpting the message."

"Josh is…"

"Too hot-headed. Too quick to jump. One uprising and he'd be looking for obvious answers in obscure situations."

"Toby, then, who…"

"Is passionate and eager but can't keep himself form pouncing." Leo finished her statement for her.

"My job…"

"Is to help the most powerful man in the world come to terms with the breadth of power he has and to help him use it most intelligently. You're beautiful, brilliant, considerate, reasonable and compassionate and of all the usual suspects, you were the obvious choice."

"Oh."

Leo couldn't help but feel surprised by her response. There was no thank you or a sense of appreciation as much as he noticed her sitting there, trying to wrap her mind around it all. "You know I'm here if you have any questions right?"

"Yes, of course. Because while you're in a hospital bed, I should be asking you staffing questions."

"I'm always here for you, CJ, anytime you need it."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," he said, a genuine smile on his face. "Now, what did you bring me to do? They think you have one heart attack and will want to spend the rest of your life cross-stitch or something!"

CJ laughed. "I found a crossword book in the desk, and I brought that for you. And Margaret sent you a low-fat, low-carb, low-sodium carrot muffin."

"Has someone else tried it yet?"

Shaking her head no, she reached for her purse. "I figured if you don't want to eat it, I'll keep it in my purse for self-defense." Her reply drawing laughter from him, CJ realized that even if it made her day more difficult to maneuver or less predictable, she would trade those things for this time with Leo.

3

Margaret had been true to her word and scheduled an hour off between six and seven, even though the day was particularly bad.

Even Margaret, however, with all of her organizational powers, couldn't keep CJ out of the Situation Room.

It was the hardest day of her life, one of the few when she didn't miss the press room. The Republic of Georgia was offering the 'gift' of highly refined uranium and suddenly she was in the deep end of the pool, trying to show everyone else in the White House that she could do the job Leo had named her for. It wasn't just about being a good Chief of Staff, as much as it probably should have been, but it was also about making him proud.

"When was the last time you ate anything?" The voice came from the doorway, interrupting CJ's quiet contemplation.

CJ looked up and smiled weakly, "Hey Mallory."

"I brought Starbucks." Carefully reading the labels on the side, Mallory offered CJ a cup.

"What no fruit basket?"

"I thought you could do with a little caffeine fix."

"Thanks," CJ said, sincerely. The day had been hell, and there were no signs of it being over yet.

"It's the least I could do. You're taking care of my father; I should take care of you." Settling into the visitor chair, Mallory wondered if it would always be this strange to be in CJ's office, knowing full well that it used to be her father's office.

"What? You're not gonna drag me to a bar and help me get drunk?" CJ asked mirthlessly.

"The last time we went to a bar, it turned into an interesting evening," Mallory shook her head at the memory. "Besides, Daddy would kill me."

CJ laughed. Mallory was still his little girl, no matter how much she had grown up and rebelled against being thought of as such. "And I probably wouldn't be in very good shape next time I'm called down to the Situation Room. All I need is a set of rumors to start circulating that I've taken up alcoholism. That will really throw the press into a tizzy."

"Did you go see your father tonight?"

"Yeah, I took a stack of marking with me and did it there. He was asleep for most of it." She didn't want to mention that during one of the few times he woke up, he had asked specifically for CJ. Mallory didn't want to make her friend feel guilty for things that were out of her control.

"I really, really wanted to go," CJ explained, feeling a combination of guilt and horror that she hadn't made it to the hospital. It wasn't for a lack of trying. At one point, as Hutchinson was blathering on about all the reasons they shouldn't be involved, CJ could think of nothing other than ways to tunnel out of the building.

"I know." Mallory could tell that CJ was feeling guilty for it, but she also knew that her friend had relatively little reason for the guilt. No one, herself included, had made even close to as much effort as CJ had.

"Still."

"He looked good, CJ."

"Yeah?" She looked up from her hands, wondering if it was too much to hope that he had begun to resemble the old Leo.

"And he really likes his new sheets, though I think the nurses might kill you."

CJ laughed. "He wanted navy-colored sheets," she defended. "The least we can do is appease him that little bit."

"You're making the hospital room more lived-in than his hotel room is," Mallory countered, though secretly she liked the idea of someone taking that extra care with her father. It had been too long since her mom had done anything like that, and now that her parents were divorced he was totally on his own.

"He deserves a little familiarity," CJ said, simply. She hated that he was in the hospital, and alone. If she could, she would have taken up residence in the chair beside his bed, but she couldn't, so instead she moved things in for him that she thought he might appreciate. First it was a plant, because he was grumbling about not getting enough fresh air, and then it was the sheets, because he had mentioned them jokingly and she felt like it was the least she could do. Somehow his Air Force blanket had also migrated to the foot of his bed, along with several books on crossword puzzles and magazines which appeared on his bedside table. She carefully picked apart the newspaper each morning, leaving the main pages if there wasn't anything too stressful in them, but always leaving the arts and entertainment pages, and the sports section.

"He likes the way you scavenge the newspaper for him." 

CJ tried to play innocent. "Scavenge the newspaper?"

"You're the only person who would be there before seven a.m. every day of the week, CJ, and he knows how much you're doing for him." Mallory tried to gauge the reaction she received, hoping that she hadn't been reading too much into CJ's acts of kindness. Was it too much to hope for that CJ Cregg might be interested in her father?

"I'm not doing enough, otherwise I would have made it there tonight," CJ mumbled.

"Things happen. Anyway, you've got lots of work to do, and hopefully a little bit of Starbucks sunshine in your life will make it a little easier," Mallory said, standing. "I'm gonna head home for the night, but I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Thanks for the coffee," CJ called after her, but it seemed Mallory had made her break. "And thanks for the update," she whispered.

4

Strange food products had been appearing on her desk all week. It seemed that every time she turned around, another fruit basket made its way to her desk. One day, she had been in the Oval Office for all of a half hour and when she opened the door leading into her office there was a care package of Chinese food. And it wasn't even just _any _Chinese food, but her _favorite_ restaurant, and all her favorite dishes.

When CJ asked Margaret about where all this stuff was coming from, Margaret hadn't said much, other than to explain that the delivery boys were dropping things off at a pretty fantastical rate, and that the only thing she ordered was the honey garlic chicken.

"Good to know that there's enough food for a small army arriving on my desk, and you ordered chicken…"

"We need to eat, CJ," Margaret reminded her, making it her mission to take care of the woman who was taking care of her Leo. There may have been an initial twinge of jealousy when CJ took such an interest in Leo's recovery; in Margaret's mind, it was her job to be taking care of him, just like she had for most of the last 15 years. But this time it wasn't up to her to decide, and when she first saw CJ with Leo, she knew that there was more to the story. If she couldn't help Leo, she would help CJ, because she knew that her boss would want it that way.

"We need to eat," CJ agreed, though in a hushed tone. It wasn't like CJ could argue the fact. She had been mothering everyone around her, making requests of the assistants that if food was going to be hanging around the bullpen for common consumption, it should be something other than donuts and sugared treats. No more brownies, no more trays of danishes and definitely no more pies.

"Would you like me to order something specific next time?" Margaret knew that she had ordered all of CJ's favorites each time, but she at least wanted CJ to have _some_ control over what they were feeding her and when.

"Thank you, Margaret, but you're doing a great job. I wouldn't worry about it; it seems you have everything well and truly under control." Smiling at her assistant, CJ was thankful that someone was on her side to help her. She needed every little bit of assistance Margaret could give her, especially in the next little while when she would be racing back and forth between GW and the White House.

She had no time to get things done for herself, and she guessed, probably quite accurately, that Mallory was doing a little extra to help.

What CJ didn't know was that all of the Senior Assistants were also lending a hand, providing three square meals day, healthy snacks, and an endless supply of decaf coffee. Everyone could see how CJ was running herself ragged and trying to avoid looking like it, so she just managed to keep hanging on.

As the Assistants to the Senior Staff, they took it upon themselves to assist in every possible way. When things could be delegated, they were, and when things had to cross her desk, CJ received them neatly prioritized by Margaret, with a comprehensive 'sticky tab' system that made the documents almost child-friendly.

When the door opened at twenty after seven, Leo could almost guarantee that it would be CJ, and that fact alone was enough to brighten his day.

When he called Margaret earlier, he tried to make light of the situation, saying he was enjoying his vacation and just wanted to have someone swing by with a pack of Luckys and porn. Margaret, being the dutiful friend that she had always been, would have surely blushed at his comment, and for his part Leo just grinned. Even though he wasn't there he could easily imagine what her response was and since everything else in his life was so unpredictable at this point, he took what he could get.

"Good evening," CJ said, smiling. She was thankful he was still awake and that she would get a little time to talk to him.

"Evening? I don't even know what time of the day it is anymore," he teased, before realizing that she didn't find his joke as funny as he did. Obviously his friends weren't quite ready to laugh at the situation, but he could only hope they'd come around soon. If he didn't laugh, he would probably cry. "Well, I'll tell you what _is_ funny," Leo said, smiling. "I hear you've become a food Nazi."

Though he hadn't witnessed it himself, he heard tales from Josh and Toby about CJ's recent nutrition directives. Nothing had sounded all that bad until Josh pointed out that CJ actually removed a donut from his hands and twice spent time lurking to catch him 'red handed' with the offending foods.

"A Nazi? Don't you think that's a little harsh?" CJ slid into what had become her chair and straightened her blouse absently.

"Rumor has it that you replaced the donut trays with bagels and fruit platters."

She shrugged. "No reason we can't have balanced diets and work in the White House."

"True, though you don't have to torture everyone else just 'cause I had a heart attack." His expression softened. He knew that CJ was taking his heart attack harder than anyone else, and although he didn't know why, he could see that she was making an effort to effect change.

"Josh thinks that you can live off of fructose, sucrose and empty carbohydrates alone, and when I challenged him…"

"You offered to cook him dinner wearing whatever he wanted…" Leo had heard the story. He had to admit, had she made an offer like that to him, he probably would have leapt at it and taken up vegetarianism if that was what she wanted in exchange. Eating salads for the rest of his life was no small price to pay, but a worthwhile one if it meant that he would have CJ wearing an apron and nothing else, in the buff, and in his kitchen.

"He knew what I really meant," CJ corrected, though she blushed all the same. Only Leo managed to have that effect on her.

"It's less fun to know what you really meant," Leo observed.

"Yeah, well…"

"So, how was your day?" Changing the topic, Leo hoped he wouldn't hit a sore spot.

"Don't even get me started. I've started going to the gym between 4 and 5 now so I can have some extra time in the morning before staff… I go to bed at 12 or 1, though closer to 12 if I can help it…" Just thinking about how little sleep she was getting made her exhausted, but realizing that she sounded self-pitying, she made a point of cheering up. "But the good news is that your Margaret is an exemplary Assistant. She has saved me from the scheduling Gods more than once."

Leo laughed, though he wondered if CJ was fast on her way to burnout. He knew all too well the pressures of being Chief of Staff and worst yet was that she was taking time out of her morning to go and see him, when she was already incredibly sleep deprived. "If you ever let her hear you say that, she'll demand a pay raise."

"And she'd deserve it!" CJ said pointedly. "How she put up with you for so long I'll never know, but now the poor girl has to deal with me."

"Ah, you're a softie…"

"Sure, tell that to her. I've been running her ragged."

"But ask if it's as bad as working for me," he joked. Margaret was a Saint, and he was never happier than when CJ said that she was staying on as her Assistant. He had fleetingly worried that with all the changes afoot, Margaret might leave.

"Want to hear something painfully discouraging?" CJ asked, changing the topic suddenly.

"You're always a barrel of laughs," Leo smiled.

"In case of an evacuation, I'm going to be standing in a field with livestock…not cows, they assure me, but horses."

"My pick-up point was the heli-pad on top of my hotel, next to the pool," Leo grinned.

"They probably want to avoid further disaster by keeping me away from water, what with my propensity to fall into it."

Leo laughed. "Any other good stories from your first week?"

"All too embarrassing to tell," she assured him. "But I do have a tape of Toby's briefing, which I suppose is his own embarrassment."

His lips turned up in a grin. "Is it too much to hope it's better than a secret plan to fight inflation?"

CJ shook her head before replying in her most genuine tone. "It involves me, and a sick idea that I would dole out punishment in the Middle East, armed with only my Prada bag."

"CJ, chief of staff, dominatrix?"

My title's getting too wordy. Just call me Trixi," she joked.

"I hear an awful lot of laughing in here," Mallory said, perched in the doorway. She couldn't imagine a better noise in the world than her father laughing. It wasn't long ago that she was scared she'd never hear her father's voice again, and now she was witnessing him smiling and laughing, and she swore she would never take that for granted again.

CJ cleared her throat and sat up right. "Did you know that your dad called my assistant today asking for a pack of Luckys and porn," CJ said with a straight face before turning her attention to Leo and letting him know that he was caught.

"So Margaret sent you over?" Mallory tried not to laugh, but it was just too easy.

"You're so in trouble oh-high-and-mighty 'Goddess of the Fruit Basket'," CJ teased, though unable to contain her laughter.

Leo watched the exchange between his daughter and his…he realized he didn't know how to refer to CJ anymore. She was his friend, but even he wasn't as delusional as to pretend there was nothing more. Whatever the case may be, he enjoyed watching them laugh together and noticed how close they seemed. If nothing else, he was glad his little girl had a friend who he knew would take great care of her. "Dare I ask why my daughter has been crowned Goddess of the Fruit Basket?"

"Nah," Mallory and CJ said in unison, inciting another round of giggles from the women.

"You two…" He tried to look as if he was ashamed of them or disappointed, but there was no way he could. He loved them both, and to see them bonded was refreshing.

Mallory shook her head and then sat on the opposite side of the bed, across from CJ. "Daddy, are you ever going to figure out that you've got the best daughter and the best…" She knew she walked her way right into it. She couldn't very well call CJ his girlfriend, though anyone with two eyes could distinctly see that that was where they were headed. "Best friends," she covered, almost convincingly, "in the world."

"I'm learning, sweetheart, I'm learning." And he was. Leo knew that once life was back to normal, he would make an effort to never take anything for granted again. He had his warning shot, and this time he wasn't going to ignore it. There was too much life left for him, even if it meant making serious changes.

5

"You know, I just can't get over it," CJ said, sitting down in the chair beside Leo's bed.

"What?" It still surprised him that she visited him so frequently since he was hospitalized. It had been just over a week, and she had been there every day, most times twice a day, even though she had a new, incredibly demanding job. After all, he knew all too well how difficult it was to be the Chief of Staff and how little time it afforded for socializing.

"That for all the times I've imagined you in bed, I never once thought it'd be like this."

Leo blushed before he managed to comment. "I admit that my fantasies, although sometimes involving you in a nurse's outfit, navy uniform, naughty schoolgirl. . ." he grinned mischievously, "have never involved me being incapable."

"I always wondered what you were thinking during those long, boring meetings in the Oval Office." It was natural to flirt with him, CJ discovered. It was as easy as breathing and that he returned the sentiment with his own flirtations made her feel even more confident. There was something there, between them, and she hoped they would eventually do something about it.

Leo grimaced, stopping himself from pursuing the conversation any further. "How's it going, anyway?" he asked. "Has the President invited you to one of his deep and meaningfuls?"

CJ grinned at the way he changed topics. She knew how to read a man well enough to know that he fancied her, and she was sure he had to know how she felt for him. How could he not? "Well, there have been more than one light night talks about random issues that bother him."

"Did you get the talk about child-rearing in the new millennium?"

"No, though I suppose that might be because I have no reference point," CJ ventured. "After all, without any previous experience I can't really take sides."

"I guess that means you got out of the marriage rant too?"

"Yep. Free and clear. But I did get quite the lengthy lecture on the difference between the real world and the White House." CJ thought Leo might enjoy that comparison. After all, they all had lives before they took office, of one variety of another and though they might not look back on that time fondly, it was a completely different lifestyle.

"Ah… And what's your argument?" Leo relaxed back into his pillow, hoping her explanation would be lengthy and he'd be able to sit and listen to her voice. CJ could be reading the back of a cereal box for all he cared and it would still be incredibly sexy.

"The President likes to point out that life before the White House was simpler. I can't really debate that with him, seeing as it was tenfold easier to function, but I could argue for life at the White House."

"The sleep deprived glory that is running the country?"

"The sleep deprived glory that is knowing you're making a difference and even if it's the most miniscule of changes, that you've left your mark on history." She hated sounding like an idealistic five year old, but even with all the days she dreaded waking up, she never once regretted being in the White House.

Leo smiled. "I can't imagine you go anywhere without leaving your mark."

The sweet, honest tone of his voice caused her to blush. He had that effect on her. "You mean as a six-foot giant among men?"

"As a beautiful, elegant, brilliant woman who just so happens to be the Chief of Staff to the most powerful man in the world."

"I like your version better," she admitted, pleased that they were talking about something other than the sports page, which Leo had, on several occasions, used as punishment for her not having left the rest of the paper.

"Now, CJ, if you'll just call a nurse and then give me a few minutes, I'm going to make an effort to meet today's challenge."

"Which is?" She looked at the man in front of her with sheer admiration. Even though he was facing yet another nearly insurmountable challenge, he was charming and brave.

"It's Tuesday, right?"

"Yep. All day," CJ smiled.

"Well, Tuesday's goal is to get up and walk to the washroom." Leo looked away from her, afraid that he'd see disgust or disappointment in her eyes.

Had he been able to face her, he would have seen compassion and love. "Do you want me to help you?" She hadn't quite anticipated saying it, but she did, and it wasn't as if she regretted it.

"Uh, you did hear what my goal was, right?"

"Yeah."

"You do know what that requires?"

"Getting you out of this bed, walking you to the bathroom and staying close by if you need me," she said, without the slightest hint of hesitation in her voice.

"And you wonder why I think you didn't hear me…" Leo looked at her, torn between feeling embarrassed and wanting her help.

CJ smiled warmly at him, hoping he understood that she just wanted to be there for him. "It's no big deal, really."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Maybe on Saturday?"

"What's Saturday's task?" She couldn't help feel somewhat rejected.

"A walk down to the sunroom," he told her, hoping she'd understand that it wasn't about her, but about his own pride.

Nodding, realizing he probably was embarrassed, CJ decided to let it slide. There would be many times that he would need or want help, and she would be there for him anytime she could.

6

CJ packed the last of her things into her briefcase, though packed might be a generous description—she threw everything haphazardly.

"Hot date tonight?"

CJ groaned. So much for her plan of a clean break. "Toby! What a pleasure to see you." The tone of her voice clearly told him what she was really thinking. Evidently, this was an 'ah, shit,' moment.

"And yet you've still not told me who the hot date is." Toby smiled as he sat down in the chair opposite her desk.

She glanced at her watch. 7:50. What were the odds that this was going to be a five minute conversation? "No date, Toby, you should know better than that."

Toby looked up at his friend and wondered how he missed it. How had he never noticed before that CJ had somewhere along the way fallen in love? Or, if love was too steep a word, perhaps it was lust. Or 'pitter-patter' affection, as she had once drunkenly described the emotion in terms of what it had done to her heart. "I do," he agreed. "Where are you headed?"

CJ shrugged, trying to seem indifferent. Of course feigning indifference would be easier were she not leaned against the edge of her desk, briefcase in hand, as if she were about to make a desperate break for it. "Thought I'd take advantage of a relatively light day. Maybe swing by the hospital and see Leo."

Bells and whistles alarmed simultaneously in Toby's mind. Leo? That 'stuffed animal' softness he had seen on CJ's face when she said Leo's name was almost enough. "Uh oh."

"What?" CJ was sure that she had seen that pained expression on Toby's face before. In fact, he had used it when she told him about her fling with Marco in Dayton, and before that she had seen it at least a half dozen times. None of the occasions were ever good.

"You have a thing for Leo," he stated blankly, "and you can't."

She didn't know which part of his statement bothered her more. Not only did Toby have the nerve to 'confront' her about her intentions toward Leo, but he actually thought he could tell her that she wasn't entitled to her emotions? "Hate to break it to you, Pokey, but I'm not a kid late for curfew and you can't tell me what to do," she snapped.

"So you don't deny it?" He doubted she would, but she deserved the opportunity, in case he had been totally off base.

"I don't think it's a big deal if I have feelings for Leo. In fact, it's probably the biggest non-issue," she said in a futile attempt to downplay. Stealing another glance at her watch, she sighed. They were wasting precious minutes.

"It's only not a big deal if you plan to never act on them," Toby said. He knew CJ too well and could almost guarantee that she would pursue a relationship with Leo, bad idea or not.

"Bite me," she spat, standing more upright, ready for a fight.

"Mature, CJ."

Sticking her tongue out to spite him, CJ swept an errant strand of hair from her face. "What's so wrong with me and Leo maybe giving it a go?"

Toby ran a hand over his scalp. "He's considerably older."

"Doesn't bother me, and if it doesn't bother him, then what's the matter?"

"What about shared interests?" He was grasping at straws, but he knew that the only real argument would make him sound like an ogre.

"As long as we're interested in each other, isn't that half the battle?"

"You can't sign on for a relationship when you know that most of your time is going to be consumed by playing nurse," Toby grumbled. He hadn't meant to sound so cruel but was CJ hearing herself? She had to know better than to assume that a relationship with a recovering Leo would be anything but a mission of pity.

"I might enjoy playing nurse," CJ said, a look of complete disdain on her face. "I think Leo might quite enjoy it too…"

"That's not what I mean," he countered, angry that his friend was turning his legitimate argument into a joke.

"Tobus, do you have any clue what it's like to watch someone you have feelings for fall flat on their face? I've been with him at the hospital—not you. I've been the one who's been helping him survive the physiotherapy. You don't understand." Her voice betrayed her, cracking at the words.

"He's your friend and you're worried about him. We _do_ understand. How do you think we feel?"

"It's not the same."

"Oh yeah? Then what do you get from this? What do you get from the relationship? You keep saying how you've been the one there for him, but how do you walk away any more ahead?"

She knew it was difficult to explain, and trying to explain it to Toby was going to be as hard as it was to explain to a child why the sky was blue. "It's not a matter of being 'ahead'. It's a matter of being happy."

"At what cost?"

A biting response would have been fun. In fact, she would have quite enjoyed making some argument to knock Toby off his high horse, but it seemed that things were destined to be like this, if only for the time being. "If you'll forgive me, I have somewhere I'd rather be and since we're not getting anywhere with this," the cool tone of her voice sent chills down Toby's spine. It was rare she used that tone with him.

"I just don't want you to wake up one day and wonder what the hell happened to your life, that's all." Toby frowned, noting the expression on her face. She was beyond angry.

"Thanks for looking out for me, Toby, but I'm a big girl and I can tend to my own interests." Finally leaving her position perched against the desk, CJ didn't want to look back for fear that her friend would see how upset she was.

She and Leo hadn't even discussed the possibility of a relationship and they were already meeting resistance.

"Hey sleepyhead," CJ said, as she leaned forward in her chair.

"CJ. Thought you might have been trapped by the President," Leo joked lamely. He hadn't even really opened his eyes all the way, and he knew she'd be there. Just like always.

"Nope. Toby. I'm not sure which one's worse."

He smiled, knowing that Toby was quite the handful. "I nodded off during Jeopardy."

"That guy still kicking butt?"

"Yeah. I swear someone's feeding him the answers."

"Did you do very well?"

"Well, let's just say I'm glad the press wasn't here."

CJ smiled. How could Toby think this couldn't be good for her? Not only was her visit with Leo something to look forward to, but it was the opportunity to relax and sit with someone for a while to decompress. "How is it I doubt you did badly?"

Leo shrugged. Shifting to get a better view of her, he realized that she wasn't in top form. "Looks like you had a rough day."

"Every day's rough," she said quietly. "But we did lots of good things, so it should all balance out in the end."

"I remember that feeling," Leo admitted. "Just be careful not to run yourself into the ground."

Nodding, CJ reached into her purse. "I brought you some mail from the office. Margaret's already screened it to make sure it's not work related. Looks like someone got a head-start on their Christmas cards."

"Already?" He cringed at the thought that Christmas could be so close.

"Well, you know how politicians are – they wanted to be on your good side, I'm guessing." Handing over the cards, CJ laughed at the expression of horror on his face. "Don't worry, you still have a month of shopping time before Christmas, and why do I doubt that you do it yourself anyway?"

"Hey, I do some. I just delegate out the unnecessary people," he defended.

"So if I get a toaster, I'll know which list I'm on," she said with a smile.

"Never," he said sweetly. "Toasters are overdone. Maybe a toaster oven?"

How could something between her and Leo _not_ be good? How could Toby not want her to have a relationship with the best man she knew? She just kept coming back to the same questions. "Well, as long as it's an appliance, I guess."

Leo could read CJ like a book. Someone had upset her today, and it wasn't about work, whatever it was, because the look of disappointment about a piece of legislation was totally different than the look of personal anger and disappointment. "You ok?"

"I'm fine," she said, trying to be reassuring. It would help if he wasn't so obviously aware of what she was thinking.

"When you're ready to tell me the truth, you know I'll listen, right?"

CJ nodded before trying to think of a topic change. "Have you talked to your doctors about when you're getting out of here?"

Leo rolled his eyes. Predictable. She turned the tables back on him. "We don't know for sure. It'll be a few days." At her look of concern, he explained further. "My blood pressure is still a little high, and they're worried about me going back to the hotel, so I have to get a live-in nurse for the first while."

"A live-in?" CJ was horrified by that idea. Were things worse than he was letting on?

Knowing CJ and how she had an over-protective streak, he thought it best to clarify. "It's not that I'm any worse off than anyone else, it's just because I live alone."

"You could stay with me," she offered quietly. The idea of him having to bring a stranger into his home bothered her. He wasn't alone, he just didn't live with anyone, she rationalized, though she suspected that it bothered her more than it bothered him.

"We'll talk about it all later. But I should be out in a couple of days, and back to my old self in no time."

CJ smiled. "Yep, back to bossing us all around and keeping us in check," she said, though she knew full well that it would be a long road to recovery, and he would never be back in the White House.

"Something like that," he agreed, thankful to have someone as remarkable as CJ in his life. He knew what she was giving up to spend time with him: every minute of her free time, extra hours of sleep, and the ability to have a normal life. It wasn't lost on him that she was also keeping close tabs on his daughter.

"Now, visitor's hours end in a half hour – so, what do you want to do while we're waiting for them to come and kick me out?"

"TV around here is crap. They don't even get CNN."

"Probably for the best," she reminded him.

"Yeah. Still."

CJ laughed. "How 'bout you tell me what your plans are for your retirement. Lots of traveling? Maybe a pet?"

Leo couldn't help but smile. "Depends on how cute my live-in nurse is," he teased.

7

"Hey daddy," Mallory smiled, as she approached her father's hospital bed. She was happy to see him awake and reading the sports section, his glasses resting on the end of his nose.

"Hey sweetheart," Leo said cheerfully. He hadn't realized how quickly the day was going, but obviously if she was there, it was at least four o'clock.

"How many times have you read that section?"

"Too many times," he grumbled. "But the alternative is reading about the prime-time TV line up." His lips turned down in a scowl and he clearly showed his disinterest in cable television.

Mallory snickered. Her father had always been a media-snob in that he would out-right refuse to watch particular programs. Apparently some things never changed.

A comfortable silence fell over them as Mallory carefully refolded his newspaper to place in on the side table.

"I spoke to CJ earlier," Mallory said, off the cuff, hoping her father would ease into the conversation she had been hoping to have.

"Oh yeah?" So seeming disinterested wasn't necessarily working for him. At the mention of her name, he was sure he almost jumped.

"Just for a couple of minutes. I was hoping we might all do dinner together when you're sprung from this place."

"Sounds nice," Leo downplayed. Be damned if his mind hadn't almost instantaneously drifted to what CJ might wear on this dinner out.

"That's what she said," Mallory provided, wondering what had reduced the two most brilliant and articulate people she knew to adjectives such as 'nice'.

"Great minds think alike?"

"Or conniving ones…"

"Are you accusing us of something?" He wondered if this would be an opportune moment to spontaneously fall asleep. At least when he woke up he could claim it was the medications.

"No, though I think you two should do something to jumpstart this almost-relationship you have," Mallory offered, knowing her father would avoid pursuing this conversation, and that she would have to force the issue.

"Mally," he said, his voice low with warning.

"Daddy," she whined. "She likes you and you'd be a fool not to like her…"

"CJ's a friend, that's all."

"Yeah, like Sam was just my friend?" She knew she had him backed into a corner, even if he didn't like it.

"And that worked out phenomenally well," Leo pointed out, though he also knew that his daughter's flirtation with Sam was not based on academic stimulation – a thought which he found all too repulsive.

"Circumstances were different then, but you and CJ… She looks at you with very distinctive affection."

"She's my friend. We've been through a lot." There was no lie there, though calling her a friend seemed like an understatement.

"There are friends and then there are 'friends' and CJ isn't just the run-of-the-mill Tuesday night movie buddy." Mallory realized that she may have lost her father with the movie reference. When was the last time he had been to a theatre? "You may want her in a dark room, but not to watch a movie, is all I'm saying."

Mortified by his daughter's candor, Leo gasped. "Mallory Ann O'Brien!"

"Oh, don't give me that. CJ's beautiful and I doubt there's a man alive who…"

"I don't think of her like that," he countered, though the truth be told, his mind had wandered into the gutter more than once in the past years.

"You don't think of…"

"Finish that statement and I swear to God, Mallory, you're out of my will…" Leo tried to look sternly at his daughter, though really he was grasping at straws.

"Mom got all the good stuff in the divorce any way, and she hasn't disowned me yet, so I'm still on good footing," the young redhead teased. If Leo thought that his daughter could be so easily placated, he was seriously mistaken.

"The promise of wealth isn't going to do it for you?" He looked hopeful, though he knew his daughter well enough to know that she would be the moral crusader, sticking up for what she believes in, even if it meant driving him insane.

"Nope. The promise of a step-mother who dotes on you might…"

Leo laughed. CJ would never marry him, and he wasn't sure that he would ask her.

"What's so funny?"

"CJ's young and vibrant and …"

"Totally ga-ga over you, but since you don't see it, we'll just work on how you feel for her." Watching her dad cringe at the thought of discussing his emotions, let alone his feelings about CJ and with his daughter, Mallory settled in.

"Mallory, it's all hypothetical now. If I hadn't gotten sick…"

"You two might never have realized what you could have, but since you did, take this as an opportunity. This is the only good thing to come out of your heart attack."

"Nothing is going to come of this. Mallory, I'm old, and I'm not in the best of health."

"For now."

"Last time I checked, I wasn't getting any younger," he quipped.

Sighing, Mallory looked at her father and narrowed her eyes. "Neither is CJ, and I know for a fact that she just wants to spend time with you and help you recover. What's wrong with that?"

"It's not fair to burden her with my problems."

"If she's just a friend, what's the big deal?" Her lips turned up in a smile as her father squirmed. His sense of pride had always been a sore spot for her, and only now was she realizing how much of a disability it was.

"She really likes you. And you really like her. If for no other reason that to see what could happen, you owe her this. Well, this and maybe something shiny and gold."

"I'm not buying her a ring," Leo objected, this time more determinedly.

"You could start with a bracelet, or a necklace. Just to show your thanks of course."

"Mally!"

"Hey, Daddy, you may think it's silly, but she really likes you, and I can tell you really like her. I don't understand why you think it's some big deal, but the point is, it really isn't. So stop being such a grumpy old man and agree with me."

Leo sighed. "I'm not going to agree with you, but I'm not going to argue over this either. My personal life is just that…personal."

"No," Mallory corrected. "Your personal life is nonexistent. You've not had a personal life in a very long time."

Silently agreeing, Leo thought it might be a bad time to tell his daughter that he had no intention of starting one quite yet.

8

"Toby!"

"Leo, lookin' good!"

Leo just laughed. "Well, looking better, I suspect is the more accurate description. What brings you by?"

Toby looked at his shoes and wondered if his friend could see right through him. He wasn't sure but he suspected that Leo could read him like a book, after all the years of being his boss and his friend. "Just thought I'd check up on you."

"Sure." Pointing towards the chair, Leo examined the younger man. "Have a seat, unless you're just running through."

Nodding, Toby walked over to the chair and sat down. Second guessing himself, Toby thought that maybe next time he had a brilliant idea he would have to put it aside, and wait until someone explained to him why it was or was not a good idea. Certainly someone could do him that favor.

"So?"

"What?" Toby knew he sounded edgy. He _was_ edgy, but there wasn't a good way to get around it.

"You came to visit Toby. Is there any news you think I should know?"

"Nothing fantastic. I've been doing the briefings."

Leo laughed. "Oh, yes, yes you have. You wouldn't believe the feedback I'm getting on your quality of briefings. It's like… Poetry?"

"A train wreck, you can say it."

"They're getting better."

"I'm no CJ."

Leo bit back the urge to say 'I know', because that would automatically lead into a conversation he wasn't sure they were ready to have. "It's hard to fill the shoes of someone with so much talent," Leo said, knowing full well that when it came down to it, CJ's brilliance as a Press Secretary would likely forever be her legacy.

"My first couple of days, I considered challenging her to a 'write-off' to prove that she may be the better Press Secretary, but that I was still the better writer." He smiled at the memory, thinking about how silly it seemed in retrospect to be competing with his best friend.

Leo laughed at the image of a timed writing competition between the two. Knowing CJ, she'd be grace under fire and pull off a prose unlike anything Toby could do under such circumstances, but perhaps he was just biased.

"Anyway, the search is on. I think we've found our girl, and with any luck we won't ever have to fill that position again."

Nodding, he wasn't quite sure what to say. Leo knew that whoever they brought in would be no CJ Cregg, and the end result would likely be the decimation of whoever tried to take over. "We all do what needs to be done," Leo pointed out. It was as much a statement on life as it was on life in the White House. They had all made their sacrifices and taken their challenges in stride because that's what had to be done.

"Yeah…" Running his hand through his thinning hair, Toby wished that he had his little pink balls to toss around. It would definitely take the edge off of being there, under the circumstances. "I know it's not really my place," he began, hoping that Leo would take his interference as an act of a friend caring about his friends more so than an attack.

"Things that start that way so rarely end well," Leo said, certain that this could be a fairly disastrous conversation.

"Give it a chance," Toby asked. "It isn't healthy for you or CJ to jump into a relationship, let alone together. It just won't work—your minds need to be focused on what matters."

"And I'm sure you'll tell me what I need to focus on."

Toby watched Leo's fingers fumble with the sheet material. At least they were both feeling the discomfort. "I'm just saying that you know better than anyone the kind of stress that CJ's under and it's not fair to…"

Leo knew where Toby was going with this, though it didn't make him any less angry. "Enough."

"You've got to be reasonable," Toby interrupted.

"CJ's a big girl, and I'm a grown man, Toby. Whatever does or doesn't happen in either of our lives won't be accredited to you."

"I'm not…"

"You need to stop now," Leo warned.

"Stop what," CJ asked, standing in the doorway. The tone of Leo's voice told her that there was more than a little friendly chit-chat.

"Just Toby being Toby," Leo dismissed, though his initial reaction had been somewhat selfish. CJ made it just in time to save him from blowing up at Toby.

"Well, you're supposed to be avoiding the stress and you're not going to be able to avoid it when Toby's being a jackass." Looking between the men, she hoped that cooler heads would prevail.

"I'm always a jackass. At least, women are always telling me that," Toby said quietly. "But I should get going and see the twins. Andy says that she'll let me take them next weekend, so I should at least be nice and take her flowers."

CJ grinned, knowing that what Toby really wanted was for his ex-wife to see the error of her ways and take him back—something that everyone knew would require more than flowers.

"Take care Pokey."

Toby nodded, unable to look her in the eyes. "I'll see you at work tomorrow. Take care Leo."

Leo just nodded, unable to find any kind words.

When it was Just CJ and Leo, and the hospital room door was firmly shut, CJ smiled and assumed her typical seat beside Leo's bed. "Toby thinks we shouldn't play together," she said, her voice only half joking. The fact of the matter was that she barely knew where they stood and yet she had been fighting for the right to have a relationship. If Toby's demeanor on his way out was anything, she could bet money that he had talked to Leo. She might as well test the waters and find out for sure, she rationalized.

"What?" His eyes narrowed as he examined CJ's demeanor. Something was different about her.

"Toby thinks it's a bad idea for us to…" CJ paused. What was she going to say? 'Toby thinks it's a bad idea for us to be involved'? Considering how they had danced around the conversation, she thought it prudent that she be more tactful. "He would prefer we didn't spend so much time together."

"And since when did Toby's feelings impact what you do?" It was Leo's only hope that by saying it enough, maybe he'd come to believe it too, but for the time being, he knew all too well that Toby did influence them, if only a little bit.

CJ smiled before standing and leaning closer to him. "Try and remember that what I'm about to do has nothing to do with Toby and everything to do with you."

Her left hand reached over him and rested against his hip, while her right hand found its way to just beside his right hand. Leaning in and pressing the most delicate kiss to his lips, CJ felt him relax.

Straining to keep it from becoming frantic, CJ knew she had to stop the motions before things careened out of hand.

Separating her lips from his, she paused for a moment before placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.

It felt like time had stopped, and Leo wondered if the twitchy feeling he had in his chest was attributed to the beautiful woman who had just kissed him or his recent heart attack.

The more he thought about it, however, the more he realized that the feeling was familiar to him, and not so far removed that he forgot what it was. Realizing that he had to stop it now, before things got out of control, Leo wished that he could turn back time, to long before the Birnham Woods, and take a different approach to life. Hesitantly, he tried not to let his emotions guide him, instead letting his brain control his thought processes for the moment. "I don't think this is going to work."

"Excuse me?" Her heart wasn't racing from the kiss they had shared, and she couldn't pretend that his response was not the complete opposite of what she expected.

"It won't work, CJ," he said more resolutely.

"Why not?"

"CJ, it's not that I don't want…" Leo began. It truly had nothing to do with not wanting her help or not wanting her around, for that matter. If anything, the desire to have her with him was making it even harder for him to tell her no. "…You can't put your life on hold to take care of me. It's going to be a long road, and it's not gonna be easy."

"I'm not saying I'll put my life on hold. I'm asking that you let me be with you, and to help you." She wished he wouldn't argue with her. The past ten days of watching him struggle to regain his strength to be a shadow of what he was before his heart attack had been hard for her. Harder, she thought, if she considered that the entire time there were dueling emotions that were telling her to do different things.

Leo sighed. She wasn't going to give up without a fight, and he didn't want to fight her. "You have a job that I know all too well isn't congruent with taking time off on a whim."

"This is just about taking time off… And besides, even if it were, people are more important than a job. _You're_ more important than a job," she clarified.

"Three-hundred-million people rely on you and your job, CJ."

"No pressure, huh, Leo?" She had to admit, she was probably being a little careless in not having focused exclusively on her work. So far she had been burning the candles at both ends to go between the hospital and the White House with pit stops in between only long enough to go home and shower.

"Tons of pressure, which is why I'm saying that you don't have time to be running the country, taking care of yourself and then taking care of me."

She knew he was right. He was always right. "Can we at least work something out? I mean, I can at least help right?"

"If by helping you mean bringing by the pizza and wings, I think we can work something out," Leo laughed, catching the look she shot him at the comment.

"Salad and V8 juice," she said, as if bargaining.

"When you say it like that, of course I want to spend time with you," he said in mock disinterest.

"I'll bring a nurse's uniform with me," CJ added, waiting for his response. She needed at least some sign that he was indeed frustrated at what he was missing out on.

Raising his eyebrows with interest, Leo tried to push the image of her in the get-up out of his mind. "I've hired one, by the way."

"A nurse's uniform? I have one of my own." Enjoying watching him look at her uncomfortably, CJ made a mental note to do that more often. He looked so damn cute.

"I've hired a nurse, to make things easier. A live-in, just for a while. We talked about it, and now I'm letting you know that it's taken care of."

CJ couldn't help feel wounded. He wouldn't accept her help, but he was fine accepting it from a stranger?

Noticing the shift in her expression, Leo wished he had a way of making it clear to her what he was trying to do. He just wanted to make things easier on everyone involved. For awhile, he'd need pretty intensive care, and he didn't want to burden anyone with that. "It's temporary. It won't be long 'til I'm back up and going and driving you guys all nuts."

"Anyone I know?" She was trying to be a smart-ass to relieve some of the pressure in the room, but the look on his face told her that she hit the nail on the head. "Oh?"

"You know Denise, right? Well, she just works here to fill in for people when they call in sick – she does home care otherwise. She's going to stay with me for a bit."

"Is Denise the twenty-something buxom brunette with perfect teeth and big blue eyes?" The chill she felt was something she was unaccustomed to. She wondered if this was what jealousy felt like and then decided that she didn't like it.

Leo laughed. How was he supposed to answer that without getting himself in trouble? "Take pity on me, CJ. I'm old and I had a heart attack. Give me a break, ok?"

Her expression softened and she sighed. "I'm around if you need me."

He nodded absently, not wanting to admit just how much he needed her or how waiting would be sheer torture for him.

9

"CJ!"

"Mallory! To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Tossing her coat and purse haphazardly on the couch, Mallory grinned. "My father is officially being released in two days."

She couldn't have stopped it if she had wanted to. A smile, a true, unfettered smile, covered her face and lit up her eyes. "Were you just at the hospital?"

"He called me," Mallory said, beaming.

CJ put down the briefing folder and leaned back in her chair, as she had seen Leo do many times. "Two days?"

"Yep."

"And he's gonna be ok?

"If they're letting him out," Mallory reassured her, "they must think he's doing alright."

Feeling stupid for being so childish, CJ waved her hand. "We should celebrate."

"How?" Mallory couldn't believe that CJ was actually more excited than she was.

"Let's go see our man," CJ announced, excitedly, before realizing she had spoken before she had thought—a not so unusual occurrence as of late, and especially not when it came to Leo.

Agreeing, Mallory reached for her bag and then stopped. "You know that no matter how stubborn he is, he has feelings for you, right?"

"We're friends," CJ said, though she realized that it was hardly convincing.

"Of course. All great romances start out as friendships."

Closing her briefcase, CJ laughed. "Name one, right now."

Mallory looked at her friend hesitantly. "Bert and Ernie."

CJ couldn't help but laugh. "Puppets?"

"Well, if you're stupid enough to make me name a pair of 'friendly' lovers, then you're gonna get puppets," Mallory shot back, earning a jab in the arm from CJ.

"We're friends."

"Who deserve to be much more."

Shaking her head, CJ wondered if she had been that obvious in her desire of something more with Leo. "He deserves to be happy, and he deserves to be healthy, but I don't think there's some kind of rule that says he and I have to be a couple."

Mallory nodded her head in agreement. "You're right, there's no rule about having to be more than friends, but there's got to be one about not being stupid! You both have feelings for one another, and you still don't do anything."

Maybe it was the implication that Leo might have feelings for her or it might have been the desire to hear something that wasn't there, but CJ's heart beat a little faster for a minute, as she thought about how much she would like there to be more for her and Leo, but she had already given it a shot, and they were no further ahead. If anything, they may have taken a step back, towards uncomfortable. "Your father is one of my best friends, and I love him dearly, but he's recovering right now. He needs you, and all of our support, but he doesn't need me."

"I don't believe you," Mallory said, flippantly, "but you guys won't listen to me, so I just have to let you screw up your own lives."

"It's not…"

"Let's head into the hospital, CJ. I want to see my father while he's still awake, and I imagine you do too."

Shrugging, CJ followed after Mallory. They may not be able to agree on much, but CJ definitely had every intention of seeing Leo.

"I'm going to head home," Mallory said, looking between his father and CJ. They weren't talking, and she hoped that whatever the cause, it wasn't because of her earlier talk with CJ. That would be the last thing she wanted. Little did she know that they had a conversation of their own the day before, and had managed to stick their foot in it all on their own.

"So early," Leo asked, hoping that she might reconsider and stick around. It seemed much too anxious in the room, the atmosphere definitely leaving something to be desired.

"I still have a dozen reports to mark, and somewhere in that I have to do some laundry." Ok, so she was lying, but she couldn't take much more of this strained conversation.

CJ forced a smile. "We'll do coffee sometime this week?"

"Sounds good," Mallory agreed, thankful that at least CJ was still talking to her, if only in short sentences.

"Great." Leaning over and taking Leo's hand in hers, Mallory smiled at her father. "Take care of yourself and I'll be back tomorrow. And in two days time, you'll be home and enjoying the comforts of your hotel room."

Leo grinned. "Don't I know it!"

"Behave," Mallory said sweetly, though she had no doubt that her father would do that, in abundance, even if it was the wrong thing to do. She wished that for once he'd throw caution to the wind, but she could no more make him confess his love for CJ than she could change the color of the sky.

As his daughter left the room, Leo wondered if things were going to be even more strained between him and CJ. The entire visit so far had been spent talking about everyone else but themselves, save for the mandatory 'how are you doing today' questions.

"I feel like I've been in here forever," Leo said, looking around the room. Everything had become more familiar, more common, and suddenly everything would change again, not that he minded. Leaving the constraints of his grey room would be a perk. He'd get to go home and enjoy the comforts of familiarity.

"It's felt like forever," CJ said quietly. "It's been much too long, definitely."

They fell back into silence, and awkwardly enough, they both just examined different points in the room, too afraid to say much of anything.

Finally, CJ built the courage to speak. She knew that she would likely be walking away from the hospital feeling more than a little regret, but it had been too long a road for her not to say _something_ to him. "When no one could find you, I was terrified."

"They found me," he said, quietly. It was a small miracle, he thought, but what mattered was that they had found him before it was too late, and now he was getting his second chance.

"Imagine my lack of relief when they said they found you and you were in a hospital bed, barely clinging to life." She didn't want to upset him, but he needed to understand where she was coming from.

"I'm getting better," he reassured her. He was feeling better. Day by day things were improving, if slowly.

"You are, and we're all thankful for that," she said genuinely. Taking a breath, she wondered if things were intentionally that hard in life, or if this was just all a combination of their lifestyles and their choices. "It almost killed me when Abbey told us that we weren't all going to see you. The three of us stood watching the motorcade pulling away, and we all just watched. There wasn't anything we could do."

"CJ, it's not like I had a heart attack to hurt you guys."

"It's not like we wanted to feel like we were dying with you."

He looked down at his hands. For the first time in almost two weeks they were free of cords or needles. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"You can't be sorry for something you didn't intentionally do," she told him, resting her hand on his. "I just need you to know how much we worried about you—how much _I_ worried about you."

"You don't think I could tell?" he asked.

"There have been times when I've wondered," she said honestly, though it was hard to give voice to it. Her greatest fear in the past couple of weeks had changed direction from falling flat on her face at work to the idea that she might lose him. Somehow all of those emotions brought her back to feelings she hadn't even known she had.

"I can tell, CJ. I'm not blind."

The softness in his eyes made her heart do flips. He had the most loving expression she had ever seen, and he was looking at _her_. "Well, then?"

"The point is, it's not fair to you, right now at least, to ask you to stand by me and take care of me. You've been a great friend, but I can't ask you to put things on hold the way you'd have to."

CJ thought her heart stopped when he said 'friend'. The way he had said it, so distantly, had made her feel chilled. How ridiculous was it that she wanted him to say something else. Almost any other distinction of their relationship would hurt less. "You're not asking me to do anything. I'm offering to do this, and I don't see what the big deal is. You're not incapable of doing anything for yourself; you just need a little help." She stopped herself from telling him the whole truth; if he hadn't been as lucky as he had, she still would have stood by him. It would have been harder, but it wouldn't have changed how she felt.

"CJ, I can't lift anything, I can't walk very far, I can't even step into the shower by myself…"

"And it doesn't matter to me at all."

"Well it does to me," he said pointedly. For the first time since he was hospitalized, Leo wondered if she was being selfish. CJ wasn't considering his feelings in this at all, instead just deciding for the both of them that since she didn't mind, obviously he shouldn't either.

CJ nodded, realizing that she wouldn't be able to change his mind.

"When I'm better…" He wasn't sure what he was trying to say. He wondered if it was at all possible that he forgot the nuances of 'relationship' talk. Subtlety was _not_ a strength of his, nor was deciphering gestures and implied meaning.

"What? When you're better everything will be different?" The bitterness in her voice wasn't intended, but she couldn't mask it.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because everything _will_ be different. It just will, CJ." He hoped she understood.

She fought back the tears threatening to fall. It felt like rejection to her. It felt like the person she fell in love with was telling her to leave him alone.

He watched as she tried to mask her emotions. She was too good at it, and he knew it. In a minute or two she'd be all smiles, though he knew that deep down inside it wasn't that easy. It was never that easy. "It's just for now," he reminded her.

"Yeah," she said, her lips pursed, as she nodded. "Just for now."

"And in the meantime, I could really use a friend like you around," he said, his voice almost pleading, hoping that she wouldn't find distance the only way to approach him now that they had discussed their relationship, and were so obviously at different points.

"You're not gonna lose me that easy, McGarry," she said, forcing a smile.

"I'm glad to hear it," Leo said, breathing a sigh of relief. He had every intention of making it up to her as soon as he pulled through and was back to 100. All he needed was a little time, and he'd make it right for her.

"When the time comes…" He needed to explain to her that this was just him pushing the pause button, not the stop.

CJ raised her finger, not sure she could stand much more talking. He obviously got the hint and stopped. Silence, for the moment, was better than trying to figure out just what he meant when he said it. 'When the time comes…' CJ inwardly groaned. It was as cliché as they came, and God only knew if her time had come and gone.

34


End file.
